The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
