Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
