I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
