youre lurking in front of me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
