Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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