grandma shit on top of the toilet
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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