if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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