I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
