Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
