she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
