i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
