k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
