your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
