tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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