Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
