i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
