mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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