I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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