I'm going to jail i love you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
