she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
