Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you never un-have a 4some
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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