Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
