omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
