dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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