so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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