You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
