you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
