Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Congratulations! We have a period
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
