I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
