who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
