i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
