I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
