I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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