That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
