the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
