just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
