Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
