I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
