Someone shit on the floor
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
