Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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