All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
