walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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