the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
