I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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