Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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