Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
