In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
