Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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