Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
