that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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