Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
