Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
